Wisdom In This Haze
Wisdom In This Haze
The Rout - Weird Dreams
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How do we really know when we're awake?
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What do you think of the new thing? Without further ado, Jasper gazed across the expansive desert below him, and upon seeing the immense wall of flames on the distant horizon, he sighed. Only a matter of time, Prez. He muttered between teeth, clutching a long dormant kiss through a pipe. Prez, an ochre mastiff with a faded scar over his milky left eye, growled softly to himself as he seemed to be peering in the same direction. The ridge they stood on dropped a hundred feet to the sprawling emptiness, giving them a clear view for miles. The flame danced chaotically, shifting color hues from bright orange to deep blue. The fire itself seemed to grow along the horizon in either direction at a snail's pace. Barely discernible if one didn't spend the time taking it in. Only a matter of time before we got a mosey on that away, huh? He sneered at his companion, who looked up with his one good eye and yawned loudly. Jasper frowned as he realized his pipe was no longer lit. Tapping it twice against the steel bangle on his left forearm, he stuffed it into an ornate pouch embroidered with the yellowing lotus flower. This he placed meticulously in a brown leather rucksack and slung it over his shoulder. He knelt to retrieve his spade, a wicked tool that resembled the spiked shovel with serrated edges and esoteric characters carved along its burnt wooden handle. As he did, he took the opportunity to scratch Prez behind the ear, something the dog equally relished with a pant and a twitch of his hind leg. The two began their descent along a trail that snaked back and forth along itself, a remnant of the countless others that made this precarious journey before them. How many folks would be a distant memory, as this region hadn't seen a soul for at least three lifetimes, until Jasper, Prez, and the Route came along. A smoky haze hung in the sky, darkening the sun but not diluting its presence. The air was thick and hot and choked the breath with each labored draw. Bits of snow fell slightly in the air, but Jasper knew all too well it was ash from the distant conflagration. He wrapped a dirty, tattered crimson scarf about his face to cover his mouth and nose, while glancing at Prez, who meandered by his side, unfazed. He shouldn't be surprised. Prez was not like other Mutts. He still hadn't learned to suppress that instinct to care for him like any dog he'd known. Even after Jasper had long returned to the dirt, Prez would still be here. Guess that's one of the many perks of being you, eh, Prez? He muttered. A semi-silent was his only response. At last they had reached the bottom of the cliff. The ground kicked up small wisps of dirt where their feet fell. The earth was barren and dry, evidence of the years-long absence of rain in its cracked and broken crust. The vista before them seemed to stretch into oblivion in all directions, pockmarked with the occasional lone plateau or sparse grove of dead trees. It took only a moment to realize that nothing living ventured here. This place, this earth, was not the normal fare for the route, Jasper thought. Something is off here. Almost as a response to his thoughts, Prez stopped dead in his tracks and glared with bared teeth at a nearby boulder. By reflex, Jasper dropped the rucksack and stood at the ready with his spade in both hands. A faint wind had picked up, carrying dust into his sky blue eyes and forcing him to blink constantly to keep them open. Prez continued his deep-throated growl, maintaining a solid bass tone that seemed to reverberate in the ground around them. Jasper still scanned, unsure as to what the hound could sense that he could not. And then he heard the cry. High in tone, but so quiet as to be a whisper. The restless, unmistakable whimper of a baby from behind the stone. He turned his gaze slowly to Prebs for reassurance, glanced back with just his eyes alone. Slowly the pair advanced to the boulder, which stood three men high with ease. Each step they took, quiet, deliberate. When they were within a dozen paces of the stone, another sound joined the cacophony. The sobs and incomprehensible gibbering of a woman. Jasper pressed his back against the rock, slowly sidling along till he was able to glance around his circumference, with Prez stoically at his side. Quietly, he peered around the corner, and the scarf fell from his face as his mouth went a cape. A twelve-foot abomination that could have once been a cactus stood before them. It bent at odd angles, with its arms twisted and reaching for the sun in a contorted revelry. The surface was mottled and sickly, and a vast array of brown and purple pustules interspersed with bony protrusions where the needles should be. Bits of flesh still clung to some of the sun-bleached bone hooks, complete with flies encircling the rotting meat. Along the center stalk, a multitude of mouths in different shapes, with broken teeth, opened and shut constantly. And from a larger one came the sobs of a woman. As Jasper rounded the corner fully with the prize on his heels, the horror shook and convulsed excitedly. The mouth uttered. It coughed slightly, and what could have been blood spewed forth between the words. Smaller set of lips a few feet above it whimpered and cooed before vomiting something vile and greenish from deeper within it. Jasper wrapped the scarf about his face again, this time to stifle the stench of decay and bile. Prez continued his low growl without removing his eyes from the creature before them. Neither took a step closer, and the arms of the aberration continued to creak and reach in their direction, almost pleadingly. It remained solidly rooted to the parched ground beneath it, yet it continued to fight against its earthen bonds with each jerk and sporadic twitch. Jasper took a step backward, never removing his eyes from it. Still growling and facing forward as he moved one foot slowly back. The horror sensed this and began writhing faster. You can't the woman's mouth screamed, its teeth gnashing and cutting what was left of the tongue inside it. In tow, the piercing shrill of the baby's wail was heard. The sound was deafening, causing Jasper to drop his spade and bring his hands to cover both ears beneath his wide-brimmed hat. A dozen other voices, each yelling, bellowed with discernible birds and sounds harmonized, bringing the noise to shattering levels that brought tears to his eyes. Jasper dropped to his knees, desperately squeezing his palms to the side of his head to stifle as much as he could. He could feel a pressure building in his skull and had to fight the urge to hollow his eyes out to better reach that space in his brain where the voices echoed. He rolled onto the ground, back and forth as though he were on fire. He screamed between his bloody gums where his teeth ground together viciously, though nothing could be heard above the demonic choir. Just as suddenly as it had all started, the darkness overtook him, and he found silence and the unconscious torpor that followed. Evie shot upright in her bed, sweat beating on her forehead. She struggled to catch her breath, her chest heaving and straining. She quickly shot a look left and right, taking stock of her room and her place within it. A single emerald lava lamp in the corner lazily bubbled and provided the only light source. The colors haloed various objects in the room, contorted their shape, lending an even more alien feel to her already blurred vision. She threw the thick blanket from her body and swung her legs over the side of the bed. Her breathing had slowed, and her heart began to quiet. She wiped her forehead with the back of her hand and turned again to the lava lamp. Her mind was caught somewhere between the semi-conscious and the hyper-vigilant, desperately trying to gain footing between the world around her and the world she just left. She instinctively reached for her cell phone on the nightstand. The light was blinding as she tapped it to life. It was 4 30 in the morning. She parted the curtain beside her bed slightly and scanned the outside. Still very dark, and only a faint light from a nearby street lamp stood against the twilight. It too was distorted by the many raindrops that collected from a nearly non-existent storm a few hours prior. The streets were empty, as not a soul was about at this hour. This was often the case in a place like Seasheld. Her home in British Columbia was, by some definitions, a small town, and it regularly had its moments of serenity. No one ventured out after nine at night unless they were the locals filling their reserved stools at the local pub, or the occasional teenager filled with angst at being trapped in such an unassuming place. Evie was one of those kids once, but her prison was a backwater town in Idaho many years ago. Now she was an adult, free to travel the world and experience all the grand adventures life had to offer. As soon as she could afford them. A recent end to a one-sided and borderline abusive relationship left her without anywhere to go but back home to live with her mother and her third husband. But that was two months ago. She was no closer to freedom than when she got here. Normally this sort of restlessness would take her down a path of staying awake and brooding over it all. It wasn't for the reasons she woke up in the first place.
SPEAKER_00What the fuck was that?
SPEAKER_02She asked aloud. Might have been the fact that it was mere moments prior, and the dream was still fresh in her mind, but the imagery was frighteningly vivid. A mastiff, a demon cactus, and an older man with a shovel. Did it mean something? Is it some deep rooted, subliminal message that I need counseling? She chuckled to herself. Could very well be just that. Her half smile quickly faded as she reflected more. Why did it feel so real? She could still smell the ash on the air. Her ears were sore like she had just come home from an EDM concert in Vancouver, and even the feel of the raised characters etched in the wood of the shovel in Jasper's hands were all so real. She found herself chugging water from the metal canteen on her nightstand. She was parched, still a little dizzy. She grabbed a hair tie and loosely tied up her auburn hair in a bun, leaning back against her pillows, typing a note into her phone. Every little detail she could remember, she quickly spewed onto the screen, with her notes looking more and more disjointed as she reached the end of the experience. She was surprised at her concern in the last line of the note.
SPEAKER_00Is Jasper okay?
SPEAKER_02This man wasn't real. He couldn't be. None of this was real, and she made it a point to look up a dream dictionary later to see what pseudo-psychological meaning it would all have. She thought about texting Luna, one of her few friends and the owner of the small boutique she worked at.
SPEAKER_00Nah. Luna would be pissed. It's four in the morning, and I'm pissed I'm awake.
SPEAKER_02She turned her phone face down and gazed at the lava lamp for a while. The tranquil, amorphous blob was just enough to keep her attention before she began to nod off again. As the world grew darker around her, she found her thoughts strained towards a common point.
SPEAKER_00Is the dog okay?
SPEAKER_02The dream of a shovel represents waking life situations where your focus is on doing something different. Struggling with all you have to make a change. A quest for a new understanding. The dream of a cactus represents situations that you feel are best left alone. Feeling stupid for not leaving something alone or bothering to get involved with something at all. The dream of a demon represents an aspect of your personality that is noticeably antagonistic to anything positive. It reflects problematic people, situations, or your own bad habits that are totally motivated by negativity.
SPEAKER_00Evie!
SPEAKER_02A voice tore her from her trance. Evie jolted with a start, looked up from her phone at the blonde figure towering over her. Luna LeClaire was everything Evie wanted to be when she was younger. Strong, confident, gorgeous. She even wished for those luscious, natural blonde locks when she was a teenager. Her green eyes didn't hold anger or irritation. They always mirrored a sort of genuine concern. For all her bark and sometimes bite, Luna was a kind soul at heart. She was also, technically, Evie's boss. She owned the natural high boutique where she worked. They sold imported fair trade clothing, often sewn together by a band of women somewhere in Nepal. Likely the same women that Luna met when she found her calling after her visit there many years prior.
SPEAKER_00Evie! Yeah, sorry, Luna. What's up?
SPEAKER_02Evie stuffed her phone in the back pocket of her jeans and stood up straight.
SPEAKER_00You okay, love? Easy off today.
SPEAKER_02Luna plopped a cardboard box onto the counter and slid a box cover over to Evie, who deftly scooped it up in one beat. She began cutting it open to remove and stock the contents. Bright crimson sarongs with extravagant gold embroidery.
SPEAKER_00I think so.
SPEAKER_02She trailed off as she stared a hundred yards through the material.
SPEAKER_00Hey!
SPEAKER_02Luna snapped her fingers a few inches in front of Evie's face, causing her to jolt back to reality again.
SPEAKER_00Don't bullshit me, Evie. You know I can see through it. Yeah, Luna. I think I'm okay. I'm just tired. I haven't been sleeping all too great. Is it her?
SPEAKER_02Luna tilted her head forward slightly to look at Evie over her amber-framed glasses. Her eyes always held that layer of stolid caring, but there was a hint of disapproval in her tone. Evie tried her best to avoid her gaze, glancing at her only briefly before looking the opposite direction out the window. Sun had peeked out from the overcast clouds, and steam began to rise from the recently wedded streets.
SPEAKER_00No. Not this time. Just weird dreams is all.
SPEAKER_02Luna snatched a sarong that Evie held and finished fishing out the rest of the shipment.
SPEAKER_00We haven't spoken since I left. I know it's for the better.
SPEAKER_02Evie realized her voice broke slightly. She hated that even thinking about Mirana had that effect on her.
SPEAKER_00Cut yourself some slack, girl. It's been like two months? Took me a year to get over Tyler, and we weren't even together as long as you two were.
SPEAKER_02Luna threw the box behind a curtain to the back room and stood with her hands on her hips. Her many bangles and bracelets clinked an almost musical response to her movements.
SPEAKER_00I know. I should. I I just her eyes started to water.
SPEAKER_02The thought of having an audience to her loss of strength was enough to make holding back even more difficult. Luna frowned slightly, glancing at the wrought iron clock on the wall, and then clapped her hands.
SPEAKER_00You know what? It's dead. Let's have a long lunch.
SPEAKER_02She disappeared into the back before Evie could protest. Evie wiped her eyes furiously, taking deep but staggered breaths to calm herself. Luna emerged a moment later, sporting a worn brown cargo jacket that was a size too large. A trophy from the aforementioned Tyler.
SPEAKER_00Come on, Evie, let's get some soup in you. That makes everything better.
SPEAKER_02Evie knew not to argue. Luna's version of being persuasive was to simply stand as unmoving as a marble statue and continue to bark orders until her subject caved. She nodded, quietly donning her white Joy District band hoodie, and followed Luna through the front door. As she waited for Luna to lock the door, she watched a single brown leaf lazily drift along the temporary river created by the nearby drain. She startled again when Luna appeared directly in her field of view.
SPEAKER_00Evie, you worry me. Come on.
SPEAKER_02She hooked her arm in Evie's and began hurting her down the sidewalk.
SPEAKER_00I'm sorry, Luna. I don't mean to be such a bother. No, stop.
SPEAKER_02Luna halted her walk and stood before her again, a hand on each shoulder.
SPEAKER_00That's exactly the kind of thing that keeps you in this headspace. You are not a burden. You aren't a chore or a pain in my ass. You are my friend. And it's okay to let people know when you need help.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, Evie replied, averting her gaze as was her standard. Luna sighed, rubbed Evie's shoulders up and down, and returned to her side to keep her moving.
SPEAKER_00Let's head to Nelson's. They got tomato basil today.
SPEAKER_02Luna playfully bumped her shoulder into Evie's. She succeeded in coaxing a quick grin from her, and that was all she needed.
SPEAKER_00Let's get some of that good good in you. Okay, Luna. You in. I guess I'll eat something.
SPEAKER_02Nelson's was a picturesque 50-zera diner, complete with a decades-old layer of grease that paint could never cover up. No matter the level of its questionable cleanliness, it maintained a steady flow of business since they first opened in 1959. The lunch rush was in full bloom as Luna and Evie stood at the end of the bar, waiting for their turn to be seated. After a few moments, they were led to a booth that had seen better days. Laminated menus with their own level of film were left on the table as the waitress came and went with glasses of tepid water. Luna abstractly glanced both sides of the menu before leaving it at the end of the table. She leaned forward on her elbows, pressed her fingers together in a triangle to her lips. Evie shifted in her seat, avoiding her gaze multiple times till she finally caved.
SPEAKER_00What?
SPEAKER_02she said, brushing her hair from her eyes.
SPEAKER_00You gonna tell me?
SPEAKER_02Luna remained vague.
SPEAKER_00Tell you what?
SPEAKER_02Evie rolled up her sleeves and abstractly fidgeted with sugar packets.
SPEAKER_00About what? You're not sleeping so great?
SPEAKER_02Luna remained motionless.
SPEAKER_00Well, normally I'd say it's whatever, but I had a weird dream last night.
SPEAKER_02Evie knew she had to tell someone. Who else but Luna would give her the benefit of the doubt?
SPEAKER_00Okay, that's a start. What was so weird about it? Was it your ex? Were you naked trying to give a speech? I need details, girl.
SPEAKER_02Luna smiled her disarming smile. On cue, the waitress returned, and without saying a word, opened her writing pad and stared expectantly at the pair.
SPEAKER_00Bowl of tomato basil and a grilled cheese.
SPEAKER_02Luna licked her lips in anticipation. The waitress jotted, nodded, and turned her focus to Evie.
SPEAKER_00Um, same. But with the side of fries, instead of a sandwich, please?
SPEAKER_02She faked a smile and waited for the waitress to shuffle off, complete with a glance over her shoulder to make sure she was out of earshot. Not that anyone could hear anything over the idle chatter, clattering of plates, general ambience of the diner. Evie told her everything she remembered, which was a surprising amount. She told her of Jasper and his dog, the demon cactus and the burning horizon. She told her about the stark realism of everything, the tastes and the smells she could still vividly recall. When she was towards the end of her recollection, a sort of embarrassment washed over her face, causing it to flush. She sounded crazy. It was just a dream, after all. Luna kept her gaze the entire time, nodding. Whether she was truly interested or not, she certainly played the part well. As she opened her mouth to speak, the waitress appeared from thin air. She deposited their plates, and after asking if they needed anything else, left before they could answer. Luna took a bite from her sandwich and appeared to mull over everything Evie threw at her. After a moment, she looked her in the eyes.
SPEAKER_00Well, Evie.
SPEAKER_02She took another bite, tried to speak between chewing.
SPEAKER_00Have you so about seen someone? Like a therapist?
SPEAKER_02Evie raised a single eyebrow and sighed loudly.
SPEAKER_00Really, Luna?
SPEAKER_02She leaned back, defeated, shoved a handful of fries into her mouth.
SPEAKER_00I'm just trying to look out for you. Please don't take that wrong.
SPEAKER_02Luna stopped eating to make sure Evie looked her square in the eyes.
SPEAKER_00I'm not crazy, she protested. Never said you were. I just know that bitch really did a number on you. It could be that these dreams are just, I don't know, manifestations of your psyche or some shit. I'm not an expert, which is why I suggest talking to one.
SPEAKER_02Luna returned to her meal, greedily slipping her soup with a content half-smile.
SPEAKER_00I'll think about it, okay? Maybe it was just a weird dream.
SPEAKER_02Evie focused on her food, letting the soup warm her from the inside. Frustrated her at times how Luna was so often right. It was exactly what she needed. Aside from Nelson's trademark flavor, it nourished and comforted her in ways she hadn't anticipated. Drewing the soup and inhaling her fries, Evie sat back with a content fullness that permitted her to smile. Luna beamed and unbuttoned the top button on her jeans in reply.
SPEAKER_00See, I told you.
SPEAKER_02She teased with a sing-song tone.
SPEAKER_00I mean it though, Evie. Help is always around. You still playing?
SPEAKER_02She sipped her water and then grimaced at how warm it was.
SPEAKER_00Kinda, yeah. It's a lot tougher than I thought it would be.
SPEAKER_02Evie was grateful to change the subject. Shortly after moving back in with her mother, she found her dad's old guitar in the garage. It wasn't a Martin or anything, but after some tuning, cleaning, and prodding from Clay, her stepfather, she decided it could be a welcome distraction. Just running her fingers over the surface took her back to simpler times. She remembered the summers, camping with her father and sitting by the fire as he strummed along. He was an avid fan of Dwayne Allman and Johnny Winter, humming along with the sly guitar as embers floated lazily into the night sky. She didn't realize it, but she was smiling outwardly while she waxed nostalgic. She opened her eyes. Luna gave her that smile back that made her feel seen and uncomfortable at the same time. Evie tried to compose herself, but it was too late.
SPEAKER_00There she is. Welcome back, girl. I missed ya.
SPEAKER_02Luna gave her a wink and then reached across the table to hold her hand.
SPEAKER_00Listen, all jokes aside, I do worry about you, and I love you to pieces. If I can do anything, you let me know, okay? You want to get a beer at the lighthouse later?
SPEAKER_02Luna waved down the waitress, made the universal sign requesting the check.
SPEAKER_00I know, Luna. Thank you for lunch and for all this. I'm not sure about later, but I'll let you know.
SPEAKER_02Evie squeezed her hand in reassurance. It was enough to satisfy her friend as Luna let go and buttoned her jeans back up.
SPEAKER_00You're welcome. Now let's get back to the shop. I ain't paying you to sit around.
SPEAKER_02She gave her a wink. The rest of the day was just like any other. The routine of stalking and attending to the few customers they had left Evie on autopilot. She went through the motions, even making sure to chime into Luna's occasional joke or quip to ensure that she wasn't given any signals. The dreamlike malaise she inhabited was strange. She dabbled in drugs here and there. Nothing serious like heroin, but a bag of shrooms on a camping trip or a joint pass to her during a concert wasn't foreign. This was different. Almost alien. Like she was jet lagged after a ten-hour flight to nowhere. Six o'clock came around, and she did the usual closing duties, turning off lights and locking up, paying lip service to Luna. She promised that she would let her know if she wanted to go out. But really, Evie wanted nothing more than to hide in a blanket forward on her bed. The air had a slight chill that was unexpected. The sun had done well at keeping the day pleasant, but now that it had drawn closer to the horizon, the wind from the bay had moved in. Evie drew her hoodie closer. She walked the half mile to her house. Thankfully, Seashelt wasn't a big town, so a lack of car wasn't a huge deal. She could always borrow Gus, her mother's 47-year-old Chevy love, but she'd rather not roll the dice. Gus either got you where you needed to be while announcing to the whole world you were there, or left you stranded on the Sunshine Coast Highway. And that barrel green paint made you nauseous to look at. As she rounded the corner onto Ebtide Street and passed the now vacant dog park, her heart stopped. Two blocks ahead on the sidewalk stood a solitary figure. A figure in a long duster jacket, illuminated in all the wrong ways by the streetlight above that flickered erratically. A wide-brimmed hat cast a shadow over his face, and a long, slender pipe could be seen sticking out from the darkness. At his side, a massive beast sat and panted like it was trapped in a hot car. Evie's mouth dropped open, and as she blinked to be certain what she was seeing was real, the light fluttered once more. She was alone on the street, save for a passing white salica. She stopped walking and looked around frantically.
SPEAKER_00Hello?
SPEAKER_02She asked aloud, futile as it might be. The wind jostling a nearby pine was her only response.